tj:
Dramatic re-creation of an actual scene at the grocery store earlier today
Me: “WTF is ‘Muscle Milk’?”
Me: “Oooh, chocolate…”
Me: “Wait, why isn’t this refrigerated?”
Me: reads label
Me: “Muscle Milk… contains… no… milk.”
Me: “Call me old-fashioned—”
ME: (interrupting) “You’re old fashioned!”
Me: “Yeah, funny…call me old-fashioned, but it seems to me that you shouldn’t be able to call something milk if it hasn’t got any milk in it.”
ME: “Like Milkduds™?”
Me: “They aren’t serving Milkduds™ in a bottle the shape of a milk bottle! What, so now we can just call things whatever we want?”
ME: “I guess…”
Me: “Ok… well, good news, ladies… I’m now offering free samples of Protein Milk™ to anyone who asks.”
ME: “No one is going to ask…”
Me: “Probably not…”
ME: “Good thing too, because you’d have to include a disclaimer somewhere.”
Me: “Very true! Damn! I wish I still had foreskin! That would have been the perfect place for a disclaimer tattoo.”
ME: “That is unfortunate…”
Me: “Contains No Milk!”
ME: “HA! Don’t forget Shake Well Before Using”
Me: “Gently! Heh… Oh, and Do Not Point At Eyes”
ME: “Ew!”
Me: “What? That’s what it says on champagne bottles!”
ME: “Contains No Champagne”
Me: “Well…except on New Year’s Eve…”
ME: “Well, obviously… By the way, the person ahead of you in line has finished checking out, and you’re still standing here looking at this bottle of Not Milk and talking to yourself…”
Me: “Ooops, shit… not out-loud, though, right?”
ME: “FuckshouldIknow?”
Me (to little old lady behind me with 3 items): “Oh, you can go ahead of me”
Lil Ol Lady: “Oh, thank you!”
Me to LOL: “You’re welcome…”
ME:”Good save…”
Me: “Yup…”
pulls out iPhone
takes picture of Not Milk
(via beefranck)
